Two days ago I started feeling quite sick, very dizzy, tired, weak, achy and had a headache and stomach pains. Familiar with the symptoms of malaria, Dave whipped out our guide book to double check my symptoms. “We’re getting you to hospital right now for a test” he announced. Despite the fact I didn’t have a fever, this was probably a wise decision as I did have most of the other indicators of the illness.

And so our tour of foreign hospitals continued. I have to thank Dave for leaping into action mode, calling a taxi and throwing a bottle of water and the well-travelled sterile needles into a day sack. Upon arrival at the hospital we were charged a mere 80 kwacha (14p) for the malaria test and 40 kwacha (7p for those bad at maths) for a doctor’s consultation. I was led to the laboratory where the test was conducted through a serving hatch hole-in-the-wall. Or it was supposed to be. But as soon as I saw the blood inducing device (we checked it was from a new packet), I went into hysterical needle-phobia mode and was laughed at by the locals. Dave, bless him, shouted at them for being rude and bundled me into the lab room, much to the confusion of the blood letting lady. A few squeals later and my thumb had been pricked and drained and the lab assistant was checking my sample under the microscope.

Ten minutes later and the lady announced that there were ‘no parasites seen’. “So I don’t have malaria then?” I enquired. “Well, we can’t see any parasites so probably not”. I went to see the doctor anyway for his opinion on what it might be. After describing my symptoms he concluded “I think you have malaria. Or septicemia”. He explained that because I’d been taking anti-malarials as a prevention, they could affect the results of this simple test, and that he would send me back for another test to assess my white blood cell count. Recognising the horror on my face at the prospect of more blood letting, Dave jumped in and asked if there was any alternative. The doctor conceded that it would be wise to take the three day course of malaria treatment and five day course of septicemia treatment and then I should be ok. So that’s what I’m doing. And I still feel rubbish, but now don’t know if it’s because of the initial illness or antibiotic treatment. And bizarrely my knees and elbows hurt, which does suggest malaria. However, I also have a sore throat and blocked nose so I’m inclined to think it’s a common cold.

(Just to note, after paying 40 kwacha to see the doctor, I came out of hospital and was charged 50kwa to make a phone call and 90 for a packet of biscuits. What a bizarre economy).