Last night a man with a big torch escorted us from the Flatdogs Lodge restaurant to our cottage. Tonight a man with a really big torch escorted us through South Luangwa National Park on a night-time driving safari.

Squiffy was dressed like a disguised terrorist to shield herself from abundant dust being kicked-up into our open-vehicle. Yes, she got looks from the drivers and tourists in other vehicles. And yes, I tried my best to act like hired-security for the A-list celebrity who was trying to travel incognito. No, it didn’t work.

A night-time safari attempts to track down the quiet, resident nocturnal animals and then shines a bloody big torchlight on them. Being nocturnal, these creatures don’t much like:

(a) A noisy diesel 4×4 trampling across their homeland, and
(b) A bloody big torchlight being directed at them

More often than not, all we saw were bushy tails disappearing into the scrub. If I was Doctor Doolittle, I’m sure that I would be able to hear the furry things saying “F-off, I’m trying to discreetly forrage for food here!”